Mississippi By Air

The curved bend you see in front of the plane's engine is the flooded Mississippi!


I'm en route to give my regards to old Broadway and several dear friends in New York!

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Location:37,000 Feet Up

Sky Mall Classics & Most Wanted

Sky Mall is my new favorite sit-down comedian. 

(1) "Bigfoot,The Garden Yeti" Statue

"With his characteristically big feet, our more than two-foot-tall Garden Yeti Statue will have guests doing a double-take as they admire your creative decor style! Available exclusively through Toscano, our Bigfoot, the Garden Yeti sculpture commands a unique presence in home or garden." 


I think this is code for "This huge garden ogre will likely frighten visitors and friends. They will be unable to stop staring in disbelief as they wonder why their acquaintance would ever spend over $100 on a statue of a Yeti and leave it outside. No other company would make this product, so we cornered the market in order to prey on tacky Americans."




2.) The "Freedom's Pride" Wall Sculpture

"If God is indeed 'in the details,' then this incredible eagle speaks to the American spirit. Each talon and feather is intricately sculpted by artist Lightfoot, cast in quality designer resin and hand-painted in a three-dimensional work of art that extends more than eight inches from the wall." 

Let's analyze how many fallacies there are in this paragraph... What does God being in the details have to do with allowing a sculpture to speak to the American spirit? This sentence could be boiled down to 5 words but instead it elaborates with rhetorical flair targeting typical soft spots - religion, nationalism, and Native Americans.




3. "The Zombie of Montclaire Moors" Statue

This was my favorite description in the whole magazine. "Not for the faint of heart, this Toscano-exclusive, life-size, gray-toned Zombie will claw his way out of your garden plot, office or family room corner, pleading for assistance with the eeriest eyes you've ever seen. Captured in designer resin with meticulous detail and finished so realistically that you'll swear you can hear him groaning."  

I don't know where to start on this redundancy-inducing, hypen-proliferating, creep-o-inflator of a paragraph. Why are its suggested placement options only garden plot, office and family room? Why not coat closet or guest bathroom?  




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Graduation in 7 Days!

Look at those diploma tubes.